Insecurities And Silliness
For years I’ve said that I refuse to be held hostage by anyone’s insecurity. That’s something I don’t have to think about, so the word “refuse” is misleading. My reaction to people who try to get me handle them like fine China because they aren’t sure about themselves –utter disgust– is like breathing. It’s involuntary.
I know that I can be terse and even abrasive without intending to be, so during the past few years I’ve tried to temper my words and tone. Unless pushed, I’m innocuous generally. But, um … I’m not going to use small words to allay people’s insecurities about their vocabulary and, by their fucked up logic, their intelligence. I use what are commonly referred to as big words but not to impress anyone. Words like anathema, verbotten, inamorata, gesticulate, convivial, axiomatic, vertiginous, non plus ultra, etc., spill out of my mouth because it’s easier for me to use one word where three, four and even five would be necessary for most people. Given my intent, if anyone views that as condescending, too muthafuckin’ bad. Get your word game up, grown ass nigga. It’s not as though I’m running up on a classroom of 3rd graders saying shit like, “The cathexis of a mother for her daughter can be the source of a girl’s confidence and stability later in life.”
I’m buggin’ because muthafuckas with Master’s degrees are saying weak shit to me like, “You make me feel small sometimes.” If my word choice can make a person feel small, she’s got bigger problems than having a limited vocabulary. I don’t want to hear that shit.
And to anyone who may be wondering why someone with as extensive a vocabulary as mine curses as much as I do, the answer is simple: ‘Cos I muthafuckin’ want to.
Niggas are some of the silliest people I’ve ever met. Remember Jay-Z’s now famous verse in “Imaginary Player,” in which he mockingly asks, “Yo … what’s the difference between a 4.0 and a 4.6?” After that, niggas stopped copping 4.0s. I’m not speculating. I got this straight out of the mouth of a Range Rover dealer in Winnetka, IL. I didn’t have to ask him who he was talking about after he volunteered the information to me. He was referring to niggas. People felt ashamed of driving what was a $75,000 truck because there was an $83,000 model available. That’s some silly shit.
Now there are people walking around turning their noses up at the Range Rover Sport, which is “only” $75,000, versus the Range Rover HSE, which starts at $85,000 but often leaves the floor for closer to $100,000. Wow. I have died and gone to nigga purgatory. The owner of IKEA, Ingvar Kamprand, is worth about $35 billion. As recently as three years ago, he was pushing a 1991 Volvo. Do you think he cares about a Sport versus HSE?
I know a guy I no longer fuck with because he kept cheating on his wife without even bothering to come up with a good reason. He kept bragging to me, “I’m about to purchase the Rolex Yacht-Master.” *SIGH* This nigga doesn’t own a paddle, much less a boat. But he was going to get one, he said. “It’s a ‘72 and it’s only 28-feet long, but where’s your boat?” he asked of no one in particular. A part of me thinks he may have been directing that rhetorical question toward me on the sneak because I wasn’t Ooohing and Ahhing over his Tales From A Window Shopper. I hope not, ‘cos I don’t give a rat’s ass about a boat or a watch you don’t own, but since you keep bringing it up, yeah, you sound like the rest of these silly ass niggas out here talking about what they’re “going to” do. And yeah, you really sound silly talking about a Yacht-Master. You aren’t a yacht master, clown. What do you need with a watch called a Yacht-Master?
I need a vacation.