The Breaking Point

Lately I’ve been thinking hard about the things that I chase in my pursuit of happiness. With few exceptions, they’re just that: things. I’m a part of the rat race and it sucks sometimes.

On more than one occasion it’s dawned on me that people who’ve never had anything in the way of exposure or material possessions have to be miserable, but I’m not so sure now. Maybe they’re better off. Or maybe not. I’ve heard that a person can’t miss what he’s never had, but unless one lives in a vacuum, he’s got to have an idea that he doesn’t have anything, right? Perhaps, but if he’s never had it, it probably doesn’t matter to him in any real sense.

Enjoying the accoutrement of middle class existence, particularly as a child, can set a person up to carve out an empty existence. No one wants to grow up to have less than he had when he was a child, but depending upon the way things shake out, he may have to practically kill himself to maintain that standard of living.

Is it me to whom I’m referring? Yes and no. My life often feels empty, but not because I’m trying to recreate the bliss of my comfortable, carefree childhood. I do okay as an adult, after all. My life often feels shallow and empty because it’s becoming increasingly difficult to convince myself that I’m coming any closer to sustained happiness.

There was a time when I thought about happiness within a day-to-day context, but I’m at a point where I consider what I have to look forward to 40 years from now.

Things don’t make me happy. I like what I like, mind you, but I have enough of everything I like and yet I’m still running.

This might suggest that I’m unhappy but that isn’t quite so. I’m in a much better space than I have been in years past, and in the micro I feel good. But what does my life mean?

Some great reward, this thing called life. And yet I’m grateful. There are people who died wishing it wasn’t there time to go. It’s my time now because I’m alive. I just need to figure out what it’s my time to do.

Tags: Not so random random musings // Add Comment »

Tiger Woods has been on the running shit list of some in the black community since he declared himself Cablinasian (white, black, Indian and Asian) during an appearance on “Oprah,” so few were disappointed when Tiger wed Elin Nordgren, a white woman, in 2004.

Black racialists were offended by Tiger’s perceived dis, but he is the offspring of two people from different “races,” his father, who was black (half-black, half American Indian and one-quarter white, actually) and his Asian (half-Thai, half-Chinese) mother. That makes him neither black nor Asian, but biracial.

I believe that in their heart of hearts, people who identify themselves as black know this to be true but, whether due to ignorance of their ancestors or a stubborn adherence to a rigidly dualistic view of race, recite the one-drop rule as if it’s a biological mandate. Tiger didn’t deny his blackness. He simply refused to be pigeonholed. I’d be willing to bet that if asked now, though, Tiger would refer to himself as multiracial, which is how he referred to President Barack Obama (himself half-black and half-white) prior to giving his speech at Obama’s inauguration, but here I drift afield.

The maelstrom of controversy swirling about Tiger is a result of his marital infidelity and, to a lesser extent, his behavior after driving his Escalade into a fire hydrant and his neighbor’s tree. That hasn’t stopped some people in the black community from using the revelations about Tiger’s extramarital trysts as an opportunity to get in some jabs about his apparent preference for white women and, of course, successful black men who don’t date black women.

“We’ve discussed this for years among black women,” said Denene Millner, author of several books on black relationships. “Why is it when they get to this level … they tend to go directly for the nearest blonde?”

With due respect to Millner, why does she and women like her care? There are black men from various socioeconomic strata who go directly for nearest blonde (because all white women are blonde, right?), yes. And there are black men such as President Obama, Kenneth Chenault, Curtis Conway and Dr. Ben Carson, along with “average” black men who aren’t well-known who didn’t. Neither group cancels the other out or proves the other wrong, so can someone tell me why this scab has yet to heal?

I don’t know or care why Tiger, Julian Bond, Cornell West, Ph. D or Henry Louis Gates married white women any more than I know or care why Robin Thicke or Roger Ebert married black women.

But a headline I saw on the New York Daily News when reading about Tiger’s alleged fourth mistress, Core Rist, caught my attention: Tiger Woods alienates black community with white lovers. Is that so?

The people who care about Tiger’s penchant for white women aren’t alienated by the news that Tiger has cheated on his wife with … other white women. And though it probably wasn’t intentional, the headline as phrased suggests that the black community might view Tiger differently if he’d cheated on his wife with a black woman because, you know, infidelity is acceptable as long as you cheat with your own. Oh, and then there’s also the implication that the black community is a monolith that takes a vote on what to be offended by.

For my part, I’m disappointed that none of Tiger’s paramours are black not because I care one way or the other about his feelings for black women, but because I’m thinking that if I could show up at a country club or a night club and pull practically any woman I wanted to have, some of them would be the same black women I see now who don’t know I exist.

I’m not condoning cheating, but if Tiger was going to cheat anyway, I say he played himself by not sleeping with even one of black woman–whom we know of.

I also say that the people who still get worked up about who men other than family members –maybe– marry find another issue. It’s almost 2010, not 1910.

Tags: Relationships, Race, Society // 20 Comments »

Yup.

Let me give it to you, again:

Meanwhile …

Exactly.

Tags: Sports // 2 Comments »

Tiger Woods’ apology for his “transgressions” included a line that I keep tripping over. “I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves.” True to his values, he says.

Three women, Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs and Kalika Moaquin, have claimed or admitted to sleeping with Woods, who, for the record, has been married since 2004. If these women are telling the truth, a seemingly safe bet, Tiger is a womanizer.

I don’t offer that as a criticism. On the contrary, I understand why a man would be a womanizer, a term that carries a negative connotation but simply means a man who pursues casual sexual relationships with multiple women. Women are sexy and they can make for great friends and companions. If a man who is attracted to women isn’t the settling type, womanizing makes sense for him.

Sleeping with at least two women at any given time (your wife and your mistress) points to an active libido, and it’s been reported that Tiger lamented to Grubbs that marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. If true, taken together, the picture that comes into focus is that of a man for whom marriage was a calculation, a means to commercially viable and lucrative end.

Elin Woods née Nordgren could just as well have been another woman of suitable stock who could afford to choose to earn a living as a nanny, albeit for a wealthy couple. Her marriage to Tiger wasn’t about her as an individual or them as a couple. It was about Tiger and his brand.

It still is. According to a piece written by Gerald Posner, Tiger is paying his wife $5 million now and sweetening the terms of their prenuptial agreement. If Elin stays with Tiger for a few more years, she could then opt to walk with $80 million.

But that’s less than the amount Tiger would stand to lose if his endorsers who pay him an estimated $100 million a year walked away, so the ink on that revised prenup is probably dry by now.

Tiger has, indeed, been true to his values. It must really suck to him that he has to say otherwise.

Tags: Relationships, Society, Sports, The Schadenfreude Files // 2 Comments »

To all those who inquired as to my whereabouts and well-being, thank you.

Also, to those who may be wondering where their comments went, I’m sorry but many of them were deleted. In the time since I stopped checking the site regularly there were more than 2,000 comments–many of which were spam.

My apologies again.

Tags: The Breaking Point // 1 Comment »

I’m wearing a smirk after reading my last entry. The Lakers beat the Magic in six games, just as I said they would, to become NBA champions. The fait accompli was Kobe Bryant winning the Finals MVP while LeBron James was being harangued about never having won a ring by Lil Dez.

As of this entry, the Lakers are 13-3 and appear unbeatable in a seven game series. Even if you hate it you gotta love it. Oh, yeah … how’s that Shaquille O’Neal trade working out?

It’s been five months and change since I last posted an entry. There’s no explanation for my absence other than being burned out and, frankly, disillusioned.

As most serious bloggers will tell you, coming up with something interesting, engaging and compelling to say often enough to be relevant is a burden. The thing is, I didn’t begin blogging to be relevant. Most people who read The Breaking Point have no idea who I am.

I began blogging in the wake of losing both of my parents within two weeks of each other because I needed an outlet. Anyone who blogs on the Internet does so for an audience, but the day I started catering to my audience was the beginning of the end of blogging as an escape.

It’s undeniable that I enjoyed the back and forth, but not for the sake of attention. I believed everything I wrote and felt empowered by having a forum to express myself.

What left a bitter taste in my mouth (not to be confused with being embittered) was my interaction with bloggers and commentors from other sites, a few of whom are quite smart, some of whom were snarky in the extreme and many of whom are utterly and inexplicably self-satisfied.

Even trying to follow a conversation with these people –to say nothing of actually having one– was to be drawn into a pissing match to see who could come up with the cleverest way to dismiss not only a person’s ideas, but the person espousing them.

Implicit in these insults was the idea that those who made them were more intelligent, serious and enlightened than those with whom they disagreed. But as it was then, it’s impossible now to overlook the irony: effective, intellectually elegant arguments don’t rely upon ad hominen attacks.

The blogosphere would be an awfully boring place if right and wrong truly were as binary as these would be judges of all that is good, right and salutary would have it be, no? I can’t resist saying that I found it interesting (and satisfying) when these people would attempt to distance themselves from their arguments once pressed. You can’t make a point and then say that’s besides the point, yanno?

I feel good and the place I’m in now reflects that. Blogging helped get me here and though I still care about culture, politics, society, etc., staying here is what’s most important to me.

Cheers!

Tags: Not so random random musings, Sports // 6 Comments »

It’s been a couple of months since I’ve posted an entry here. Honestly I was getting about as tired of explaining that I was overwhelmed by work, and thus, unable to blog consistently, as I was from being overwhelmed by work. Beyond that, I kinda ran outta gas. It wasn’t that I didn’t have anything else to say because this was never about a “message.” I just lost the motivation to say it, here anyway. As it is I’m going to begin vlogging as opposed to blogging.

I haven’t stopped listening, watching, hearing, feeling, believing, laughing, disbelieving, reflecting, thinking or rethinking since March.

For example, I can say now and without reservation that as regards gay marriage I had it wrong. I came across an article last week posted on The New Republic (I’ll link it here later) that completely shut down all of the arguments I’ve heard (and offered) against gay marriage. I’m all for having the conviction of my beliefs, but for me to remain opposed to gay marriage after reading this article and then considering that the question of gay marriage involves human beings who want the same things I want proved too much.

Now, before anyone tries to tell me they told me so or that it’s about time, let’s be clear about something: I continue to believe both that homosexuality is gross and that it isn’t natural. No one has made a strong case to me that the latter isn’t true and there’s no logic that explains gross.

That’s why, despite the fact that the gay marriage movement has gained traction in recent months, it’ll likely never be the case that the majority of Americans support gay marriage (see California as an example). Accept, maybe, but support? I can’t see it.

But gay marriage isn’t what ended my silence, as I’m sure anyone who watched last night’s game between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Orlando Magic knows. I told y’all that Kobe Bryant was better than LeBron James, and now I’m hear to rub the faces of those who said otherwise in the manifestation of that reality.

Kobe Bryant is scraping the floor with defenders whilst LeBron James is somewhere pouting. Yes, he’s a loser. And a fraud. And he has no class or heart. Go play in traffic with the argument that he doesn’t have any help. When Kobe didn’t have any help (Chick Atkins? Really?), who cared?

Kobe is going to win another ring and the Finals MVP award in about a week, give or take. The only thing better than that is knowing that the Kobe haters have been proven wrong. Again.

Lakers in six!!!

Tags: The Breaking Point, Sexuality, Sports // 1 Comment »

If you’re reading this, you probably check this blog at least semi-regularly for updates. You’ve noticed, then, that I haven’t been making many as of late. I’ve been drowning in work and blah blah blah, plus I know that my previous post about LeBron James causes at least one person to come unhinged, so there’s that. In any case, thanks for reading. I’m greatly appreciative and will try to post more frequently.

How ’bout them Blue Devils, son?! 2009 ACC Champion Duke Blue Devils sounds agout right. Barring serious injury to the starting five for Louisville, Pitt, UConn and unc, Duke isn’t going to win the national championship, but as long as unc loses, and they will, that counts as a win in my book.

After speaking to a certain Homie, I filled out my first-ever NCAA bracket. I’ve got Duke advancing to the Sweet 16 and then losing to Villanova, with UConn besting unc to win it all. Duke is a solid big man away from being a championship team, but Coach K builds, rather than recruits, stars, so it may be a while longer before another one of his teams goes all the way. I’ll wait.

What is the story with A.I.G.? According to Keith Olbermann, the AP reported last night that President Obama knew about the $165 million in bonuses it’s paying as early as last Thursday, the day before he told Americans to be bullish and upbeat about the economy.

I hope the AP has it wrong, but in any case, the bonuses aren’t Obama’s doing. Whether or not he knew about them last week, what could he have done? He’s President Obama, not Omnipotent Obama. If an argument could be made that any one person outside of A.I.G. is responsible for the bonuses, Sen. Christopher Dodd (D - CONN.) comes to mind. From the New York Times article:

The administration official said the Treasury Department did its own legal analysis and concluded that those contracts could not be broken. The official noted that even a provision recently pushed through Congress by Senator Christopher J. Dodd, a Connecticut Democrat, had an exemption for such bonus agreements already in place.

So, what next? Taxing individual bonus checks at 91 percent, a number I heard being bandied about, sounds great but it probably isn’t legal. Short of penalizing “the best and brightest talent” –make no mistake, they deserve to be penalized– deducting that amount from the $170 billion taxpayer funded corporate welfare check A.I.G. receives seems only fair.

A.I.G. really shouldn’t be a problem for Obama but it is. All the casual observer knows is that Obama is president, he’s out of work or nervous about being laid off and A.I.G. is paying bonuses. In the interest of accuracy, note:

The bonus plan covers 400 employees, and the bonuses range from as little as $1,000 to as much as $6.5 million. Seven executives at the financial products unit were entitled to receive more than $3 million in bonuses.

Being praised during the good times and pilloried during the bad times is what anyone who runs for president bargained for. My sense is that he’s up for the challange, but there can’t be any more A.I.G.s.

It felt like summer in Chicago yesterday. I was able to escape the office at a semi-reasonable time to get out and enjoy the evening, but I’d have been safer staying indoors.

In all, at least ten people were shot and one stabbed in street violence that accompanied springlike 74-degree temperatures.

That’s cause for alarm. Sooner or later, mid-70 temperatures and warmer will be the norm, so what do those of us who aren’t gang-banging, dope-dealings miscreants do?

The Chicago Police Department is in on the verge of imploding, with its superintendant, Jody Weis, receiving a vote of no-confidence from rank and file officers this week.

Greg Bella, third vice president of the Fraternal Order of Police, blamed Weis for low morale, poorly staffed districts, lack of cars and a lack of support. The department is in “complete meltdown” and needs a superintendent who has the respect of officers and better knowledge of the Police Department, he said.

Whenever I tell myself that things here can’t get worse they do. With two months left in the ‘08-’09 school year, 28 Chicago Public School students have been killed, eclipsing the previous year’s total. That’s 28 funerals, 28 coffins and 28 burials for 28 children, and 28 different families and friends who have lost someone, a teenager, for no good reason.

I saw a black man being interviewed earlier this week, Monday night I think, about the 28th student to be killed this year. He said it’s time for fathers to tell their sons to put the guns down because, “…it’s not worth it.”

I’m sure he meant well, but that’s too little too late. I wish I knew what enough looked like in this case, but I don’t.

Tags: The Breaking Point, Politics, Sports, Economy // Add Comment »

I’m going to stay on some Beijing shit when you comment because I’m not going to tolerate personal attacks in lieu of a cogent, substantive argument. That’s whether the discussion is about the death penalty, stimulus dollars or your boy LeBron James.

Now take your medicine–again:

Tags: Sports, Schadenfreude // Add Comment »

For the past two weeks I’ve either been on my way to work, at work, on my way home from work or asleep, so the news I’ve gotten has been in bits and pieces. Along with stories about the economy, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Steele, Chris Brown and Rihanna, First Lady Michelle Obama’s arms keep making the cut–so to speak.

I wrote previously that the media’s obsession with the first lady is creepy, but Mrs. Obama is showing herself to be at least a mild exhibitionist.

Why does she bare her arms as often as she does? This isn’t the same as asking why she’s distinguished herself as a fashionable first lady. Having seen her at a few events in Chicago, I can say that she didn’t wait until she moved to Washington to develop a sense of style, but the Mrs. Obama I saw occasionally from 2003 to 2005 was noticeably more conservative than she is today.

It’s obvious that Mrs. Obama is fit and I don’t begrudge her for showing off a toned physique, but her sense of timing and occasion when flashing her guns is difficult to make sense of.

Is it me or isn’t February a bit too soon to come out of the house wearing anything sleeveless? I’m in Chicago, which won’t see a sustained thawing until Memorial Day, so I may be biased. But Mrs. Obama is from Chicago. She should know better.

I also wonder if a sleeveless dress is appropriate to wear to a presidential speech to Congress, even if the president happens to be your husband.

The reviews of Mrs. Obama’s fashion sense and arms, in the mainstream media anyway, have been for the most part glowing. Soul Sista Numba One Maureen Dowd effused in a New York Times op-ed piece:

Let’s face it: The only bracing symbol of American strength right now is the image of Michelle Obama’s sculpted biceps. Her husband urges bold action, but it is Michelle who looks as though she could easily wind up and punch out Rush Limbaugh, Bernie Madoff and all the corporate creeps who ripped off America.

I most often agree with Dowd but I’ve got to flag her for excessive jocking. The only bracing symbol of American strength right now is the image of Michelle Obama’s sculpted biceps? Really?

And though I’m sure she meant well –because limousine liberals always do– Dowd pushed the hyper-aggressive black woman meme. She was bound to, because there’s only so much intelligent conversation that can come from objectifying someone. No matter what anyone thinks of Obama’s appearance, there’s much more to her than the way she looks.

It’s time to move on.

Tags: The Breaking Point, Politics, Race, Society, Sexuality, Really? // Add Comment »